Fuji Pheromones
by flo-bizet
Summary: Pheromones: biological substances that influence sexual and other behaviors in animals and may do the same in humans, as in one Fuji Syuusuke. Seriously, EVERYBODY loves him! Why not speed up the process of when? Fujixeveryone else.


**Date Written:** April 14, 2007

**Flo:** Well, I do believe it's time for me to dabble in the Prince of Tennis fandom. I just realized that I have only really written stuff that has some shonen-ai thing, not necessarily in the actual show, but at least is popular. Huh…

**NOTE! **This is going to be OOC, I can already tell you that. But it's kind of the point, you get me? Like, I KNOW Atobe is not totally the rich snob who thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread (he's not so one dimensional, yes), but that's how he will be portrayed since this is a humor fic, not a serious romance. Okay? Okay!

**Disclaimer:** I don't think this is necessary, but I'd rather waste a few seconds of my time than have some one harass me about it. I do not own "Prince of Tennis."

Lastly, **_THIS IS CRACK! _**If your are not an avid user, side effects such as brain melting may occur. Luckily, I do not think that this is such a heavy dose as there is actual plot. Odd plot, but plot none the less and not a whole lot of random sentences like, "You stole my cookies!" But there is still cracky parts, such as talk of personal space bubbles and such. You have been warned, so no flaming me just because it's strange.

Enjoy!

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**Pheromones** -- biological substances that influence sexual and other behaviors in animals and may do the same in humans

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It was a sunny and beautiful afternoon, which is an obvious bad omen, but oh well. Practice was over and the majority of the tennis club had already left to either rest at home or mooch off of sempais and stuff themselves with gallons of saturated fat. However, one member was not so lucky. Fuji had been called away to the garden club as a cactus' last hope at life. After he had stabilized the patient and given it's family instructions for proper cacti growth, he had returned to change his clothes, seeing how no one was practicing anymore, hence their absence.

Fuji actually found it rather nice changing alone for once. There was no one harassing him to hurry up so they can go watch turtles wrestle, because no matter how entertaining it was, one cannot be rushed through their clothes changing routine. There was no need to hurry this time, especially since his parents were out of town, his sister had a boyfriend and spent so much time with the guy it was sickening, and, of course, Yuuta insisted on staying in a disgusting dorm room. It was very mind boggling, but he thought that having the house to his self wouldn't be so bad. Maybe relaxing, even?

Fuji had just taken off his shirt, though, when he felt a presence behind him. Looking to his side, he was met with a drink in a lovely shade of pink. Not hot pink, mind you. It was more of a cotton candy, cherry blossom shade. With sparkles.

"Do you like what you see?" the hand holding the glass asked him.

"Hello, Inui," Fuji said after turning completely around to face him. "What are you still doing here?"

"Data collection." Fuji briefly thought that "data collection" was code for "stalking." I say briefly, because he already knew it was. "I've just finished my newest drink. Inui potion number nine. I was too late to catch anyone during warm ups or have time to initiate a challenge."

"Did you try sneaking it into their water bottles?"

"Yes, but it seemed that everyone had suddenly become fond of water straight from the hose." He sighed dramatically at this point. "Such a waste of a good drink. It would be a shame to have to freeze it. It would loose all of it's flavor. Unless…" Inui's glasses glinted, telling Fuji that yes, he was being peer pressured.

"Sure, I'll drink it!" It wasn't blue, after all. Besides, he never did get to try that red Penal-Tea and since this was pink maybe it tasted similar? So his eyes already closed, he quickly gulped down the potion without any question. Once done, he handed the glass back to Inui and said, "Delicious!"

"Goo-." Something cut Inui off, though, because he jolted then just stood there. Fuji looked around to see what made him suddenly freeze. Nothing. Maybe he had figured something out that involved some research on other schools and the realization shocked him.

"Um, did you just have a break through on someone's data?" Fuji asked. Inui just kept staring at him, mouth agape. And Fuji wasn't sure, but it looked like his glasses were fogging up. That would explain why he wasn't responding to the hand Fuji was waving in front of his face. "Must have been pretty-!" It was then Fuji's turn to suddenly stop mid-sentence due to Inui gaining lightning fast reflexes and grabbing Fuji by the wrist.

"Fuji," he said.

There was a lengthy pause between them as a crow called in the distance. After looking around a bit awkwardly, Fuji finally said, "… Inui?"

"I need to collect more data," he began, taking Fuji's captured hand in both of his, "on your hands. They're so soft for someone who wields a tennis racket so often."

"… Huh?"

Personal space bubbles were beginning to majorly pop as Inui leaned in closer. All Fuji was able to do was back up against the wall, mind running at lightening speed at what the hell was going on.

"Yes," Inui continued. "You're quite beautiful as well for such an amazing athlete."

Since when is Inui a smooth talker? Fuji thought. Wait a minute! That is not what you should be thinking right now! Actually, perhaps it would be better to talk? Yes, because then you can voice your protests at such close proximity that has been issued by a second party and not yourself.

"Is something the matter?" Inui asked.

"That's what I was supposed to say!" Fuji said. "What's with your invasion of my bubble? Did you join my circle of hugs without Eiji telling me?"

"Oh, Fuji. I thought that you were much more aware of your surroundings than everyone else."

"Now, when you say aware of my surroundings, do you mean physically? Because I'm sure you've noticed that my eyes aren't always-"

"I mean of human emotion. You can sense such things, can't you?"

"Did you hit your head?"

"So you must feel my burning passion for you!" (1)

More silence and crow calls.

Dear God, Fuji thought, I'm going to be the first to get raped in here! And I was hoping I would be the raper, not the rapey! Fate is so cruel.

"Do you feel it, Syuusuke? Do you?!"

"Not really, and why did you just call-?"

"Then let me show you with the fire of a thousand white hot burning suns!"

Inui quickly began to lean in for a kiss, but Fuji was able to sidestep this causing him to go in too far and into a cubby, getting his enormous head stuck (2). Grabbing his stuff, Fuji high tailed it out of there, only looking back once to briefly wonder if Inui would be okay. Figuring if he didn't get his head out that night he would still live in the morning for somebody else to help him, he continued home, putting his shirt on in the process since he seemed to be getting many looks.

Wanting to push such a memory as far away as possible from his young and innocent mind, once he got home, Fuji turned on the television to the Animal Planet and enjoyed a nice evening alone with Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. It was a very fascinating program on how mainly insects but also a few mammals emit pheromones during their mating seasons in order to attract a mate.

He wasn't sure why, but this made him remember that his report on foreshadowing in literature was due the next day.

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**1.)** I've always seen Inui as the type to go in for the kill on such matters. PASSION!

**2.)** Oh come on, his head it HUGE! At least huge enough to get stuck in a cubby.

**A/N:** So, that was chapter 1. Not great, but it was kind of hard. Inui and Fuji? I've read like, the only two I could find! And Inui has always freaked me out when he's made to be in love. -_shudders_- Don't know what order I'm going to go in at this moment, but** IF ANYBODY HAS ANY IDEAS FOR PAIRINGS, FEEL FREE TO TELL ME!**

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with cacti.


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